Sunday, August 10, 2008

Prayer & Endurance

Prayer is easy. Patience comes with time and enduring through trials. I prayed for patience in college and have never prayed for it since. I have learned that praying for it once was sufficent for me. Because God has been instilling it in me since them. The past 10 years have been me praying to not be patient anymore. (I say this in jest, kinda) I have always had to wait a long time (to me) for what I would like. I pray and pray and pray, then pray some more. I have been praying lately for guidence, clarity and strength to endure. There are things in my life I wish for, pray for constantly. One which comes seemingly very easy to everyone else, but not me. I struggle with this very much, especially since it is something I want soooooooo very badly. I want a baby. I am just fine with adoption but I would love to experence this myself. Either way it is not a "quick" thing. In birth there is the gestation period of course that I would have to wait through, or with adoption there is the year or maybe even longer that you have to wait. When you have been trying for two years, either feels like an eternity, as have the past two years.
We had decided on adoption but then other things happen that make me think that God is blessing us with a child of our own, but that is still not body is just messing with my emotions. I have not been praying for patience but lately for endurance; that I may endure with grace the trials God is allowing in my life. I know God will never test us beyond what we can handle, but I feel as if he is really pushing me to my limit. I also know every seeming verse about prayer and patience which everyone is very quick to point out to me. I pray them often...and still do not feel content.
We are the only people of all our groups without children. I think that is the hardest. Everyone has fun kid stories to tell, we have cat stories or house stories. It is hard to find people without children our age to hang out with and if we were to find them they wouldn't be doing what we would want to do. This is a hard age pushing 30 without children. Most friends are at least on their second and even some on their third. Even our new Bible Study is filled with parents. We again are the only ones...
I guess I just need to vent, it was a rough week and sad things happened and for friends that read this please just pray for endurance and clarity for me. Please don't pray for patience, that is the last prayer I want prayed because everytime it is prayed, it leads to something for me to be patient for.


To Germany...and Beyond! said...

I think about you/this and pray for you often. I miss you too! You are definitely in my prayers, so keep us posted on what happens, either way. Love you!

Amber said...

Rachel, I'm praying for you! Hopefully we can connect sometime this week while the kids are napping so I can actually carry on a conversation. I miss you and pray that you and Nate are blessed with a child in His timing and in His way=0)